Pinned toot

off-grid for a bit 

I've been quiet.

I've been working on things.

But mostly, I've been living off-grid while trying to (legally) get electricity, water, and network connections up for the place my family has been given to live.

We're currently separated, pending red tape from the local government.

Pinned toot

means-of-means meta, survival 

A while back, I briefly talked about means-of-means-of-production, and then a few days ago I saw an elon musk meme along the same lines.

A machine that makes bread, or cars, is a means of production, and is as complex as it is.

A machine (or set of tools & environment) to make the machine that makes bread/cars is exponentially more complex, and it is this second form that monopolizes my headspace these days.

One such example of this cascading complexity is that any means of production requires a location over a duration of time to produce anything at all, as well as the raw material and human inputs, but the toolset for sustaining production (maintenance, upkeep & repairs, upgrades) is much simpler than the ones to create such an environment in the first place.

Means-of-means is the focus on tools, processes, and repeatability rather than the artisan or manufacturing level, and it overlaps with civil infrastructure engineering rather a lot.

Pinned toot

the year is 2020,
have some friggin hindsight, ya?

Pinned toot

pol meta 

When a system of governance attacks a subset of the persons it governs, that system must be evaluated to ascertain if that attack threatens all persons.

When the weakest, the most marginalized, the most vulnerable, are targeted,
it is a warning sign that the system of governance has become toxic,
and correction must be enforced.

Left unchecked,
an attack on one
**will**
become an attack on all.

And should the system
become more corrupt than can be changed,
burn it to the ground and start anew.

Doth the phoenix know the pain of fiery rebirth?
Or do fledglings spring from ashes,
whole and unmarred by memory of the flame?

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medical billing wtf, swearing at occupier government bullshit 

...the so-called state of Oregon just retroactively decided not to pay for our prenatal health coverage, birthing, or really anything since last October...and this, after we jumped through months of convoluted hoops to fix their original "we merged a database and put you into the wrong CCO" fuckup.

...so this is my slightly-tinged-with-anger declaration that EVERYONE DESERVES ACCESSIBLE HEALTH CARE how is this even legal...

...plot twist it isn't, but when the organization responsible for doing the problem is also the one enforcing the rules...and those rules exist to enable the monetization of health care coverage...of course it's in their best interest to avoid covering people who aren't financially viable (read:exploitable) entities.

Gonna just...go to bed now. Appointment tomorrow should be all sorts of fun.

9year anniversary life update, medical (+), Nugget ( ;_; ) 

@sesshirecat had their post-op followup today, and things are looking good.

In Nugget News, we are Very and it's making feedings An Ordeal.

Tried for an hour, got 1/5th of a bottle down...and now we are sleepy-whimpering our way to a nap...hoping that some sleep will help them feel well enough to get a bit more than last time...

...and our sleep was about half what we needed last night for both us in-house parents...

...oh, and it's our anniversary! Have spent the better part of my adult life with my partner Sessha, and we are so much better together than apart.

Life with disability is more manageable when there's intersection of ability and need, and where I am unable, Sessha has my back...and I carry her (sometimes literally) when she's unwell.

Together is better.
Thanks for being here with me, Sessha-kitty. <3

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life update, medical (+), finances (+?), mh (~), personal 

Lost power and network for a bit over the weekend.

Still dealing with the fallout from that...several otherwise-reliable things have become oddly-flaky after the fluctuations that preceded the loss of the grid.

Being back at the place where my bio-parent's cult brainwashed me is...alternating shades of "why am i back here" and "...because we had no other choice that kept us all alive".

Our (first) stimulus checks finally arrived.

We now get to decide which of our bills to pay, and which parts of our lives we can afford...on both a monetary and ethical standpoint...to hold onto.

Surgery for @sesshirecat went well, and they're healing well. Dealing with some new diet restrictions, and also keeping up with a teething-at-three-months-old little bundle of joy.

Baby Nugget is a happy bright spot in all the chaos of the last 11 months. They've begun to hold their arms up for me when they want 'up', and will happily fall asleep in the nook between my chin and shoulder when left to their own devices.

Our baby is happy, safe, well fed, and warm.

For the moment, that is enough.

open source software, problematic name, breaking changes? 

Anyone else use symlinks as your .gitignore?

Apparently, that behavior is no longer allowed in git v2.32+?

github.com/git/git/commit/1424

@yumh hey, I just found gmid, thank you for making that project available for others to use!

plural thoughts 

i/we cannot fix everything.

and, what i/we can, we do.

re: story game, probably like 2% in?, pol-in-art-adjacent, pretty good so far..., feels (~+) 

this game has some hot takes on immigration.

and after their friend gets a job, my crystal-wearing character just found art supplies, so things are progressing?

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story game, probably like 1% in?, pretty good so far..., feels (~+) 

Four Horsemen.

Via .

First real sit-down-and-play of a game since...idk, back when playing Elite Dangerous was a thing?

Kinda supposed to be sleeping.

This thing already had me getting feels, and so far it's...day 4 (ingame)? of ????

Learning some things about myself, while playing this game.
About what feels right, about what sorts of choices fall outside my sphere of willing-to-consider-seriously.
It's kinda rare that meaningful choices, with subtle distinctions that aren't too subtle for my socially-blind-perspective to meaningfully differentiate.

This is a much-needed distraction.
RIP (my hopes? of) this putting me to sleep.

re: Friday update, medical (stable and going well) 

@sesshirecat is out of surgery, and the orderly just said they'll bring her back to her room (where I've been waiting) in about 10 minutes.

Thank you everyone who sent good vibes (and other aid)!

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re: Friday update, medical (stable and going well) 

@sesshirecat has surgery in about an hour.

Some nerves but its a doctor with a long experience with this sort of operation.

Deeply appreciate y'all being A Presence for us during this time.

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re: financial need, Monday update 

@sesshirecat and I have gotten in contact with the seller, and at first they were willing to give us until the end of the month (30 June 2021) to become current, and when I attempted to confirm they vacillated, saying they'd need to talk to their attorney, as they didn't actually know what was in the letter which was sent to us.

This is...not ideal, as we're juggling power-of-attorney for the land in question, and the person on the documents is having medical difficulties, possibly inpatient care in part due to the stress/shock of this whole thing.

Thank you so much to everyone who as helped us with their cash, we're at $500 in the paypal, about $2.5k in un-matured bonds, and I have $700 in back-pay that I'm trying to track down why it hasn't arrived.

If/when our stimulus funds come through, we have enough for a month or two, and hopefully that's enough time to find jobs for the mobile plasma cutting stuffs I'm doing these days...

...thank you everyone who has boosted, contributed, and sent their words of support and good vibes...everything y'all have done to lend support here is felt and deeply appreciated.

Love wins, right?

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erasure, SunGo/KurtM/etc, assumptions, blocked while composing a response and replying anyway, long 

...I've been blocked by both SunGo (the person I inadvertently offended) and KurtM, (the person who jumped in and escalated after things had, I thought, become copacetic again).

I'm going to say a couple of things in attempt to communicate effectively, and if you take them differently than literally "trying to communicate in a way that resolves this emergent conflict", it deviates from my intention.

I preface with this because my words are not being crafted to spare feelings, assumptions, or imagined narrative.

I'm here to have a good-faith conversation with someone I inadvertently offended by expressing an interest in something they were talking about with two of my friends in a public thread.

Denying or discounting this context, or the fact that there was no way for me to know the things for which I am being argued-at, is erasure of how my disability causes problems for me.

I made a comment, and it triggered SunGo. They self-admitted that they fucked up, and we were (I thought) on solid conversational ground again.

KurtM jumped in, calling me out for "dogpiling" and "pushing back", saying it was a "bad look" for me, ignoring the resolution happening literally just up the thread.

So, no, I'm not the individual "talking about" you, SunGo. That was kurtm, who has apparently blocked me for my single response.

If someone comes at me, with completely wrong ideas about what I am doing, I'm going to respond.

If you have a problem with that, you have a block button right there in your UI, too...and clearly you've made use of it, as your posts and account are now being pruned from what my account can see.

You both join the ranks of "people who were too hasty, defensive, and too inherently privileged (with the ability to "read" a social scenario for the "proper" way to interact) to see how their expectations around "social communication" were too rigid to be safe for people with a pronounced communication disability.

At no point in time did I say that having mutuals in a thread makes us mutuals. That's your interpretation, and a straw-man argument to boot.

At no point in time did I say I understood how to communicate with you, in fact I implied and overtly stated the exact opposite.

At no point in time did I realize you saw this as "drama", until you stated it.

At no point in time did the paradigm say "argument" to me, as the aggressively defensive way you came back at me is basically my "normal"...having a communication disability means that everything gets drafted and re-drafted to avoid exactly this sort of situation, and still having zero idea what it was that triggers someone until they explode at me, like you did, SunGo.

Taking a step back and saying "sorry for blowing up" means nothing if you're going to then use your self-admitted poor manners, and the conversations that ensued, as a reason to ream me out for things that were, and are, literally beyond my control.

I cannot, and do not, know what you want from me on first encounter. That sort of knowledge takes time to develop, and failing to recognize this demonstrates a lack of awareness of how your theory of mind is broken in ways that actively harm other people on the networks you inhabit.

You talk about dogpiling, and I'm talking of erasure. I don't know who has dogpiled you, but I'm certainly getting a chunk of people jumping on my back in some misguided attempt to "defend" you from some literally-imagined intention that I have declared was the inverse, the opposite, of my intent.

When I say erasure, I mean both the erasure of how things were at the time (I made a comment that was triggering, and I apologized for my inadvertent harm), and the literal erasure of the posts people threw at me for literally just responding to people with the wrong idea about what went down.

If that isn't enough for you, here's some queries for you to consider.

Where do you declare your limits for conversing with mutuals?

Where do you let someone know that your mood may cause you to lash out at them for joining a discussion?

Where do you tell me, the individual who you expect to know these things, the things you're upset about?

You lose your integrity, and any trust that might have been built, if you lash out at me for not knowing things you never declared.

I am intentionally choosing to put this on global, which is doing the thing that KurtM and SunGo said causes "dogpiles".

If you choose to attack them for this, you're violating my intention here, and that's not something I can or will claim responsibility for...placing the onus of other people's toxic communication habits on me is not something I will ever take laying down.

I'd like to have an actual conversation about this, with the individuals in question. It's likely they're no longer interested in that, which is why I'm putting this out there...

...if intentions matter, great, have a conversation with me about your hurt feelings, and I'll modify my behavior...but ragequitting because someone didn't just roll over when you got angry is, to quote KurtM, a "bad look for you".

===

That's my piece, and there's a lot of things that got cut to make it less overtly triggering for people.

If you want to talk, great.

If you want me to salve the unintended hurt, find a therapist for that.

I'm not here to do your emotional labor, and I'm not here for people spouting nonsense about the words I've said.

I, at least, stand by what I say, and roll with the consequences...erasure is a shitty way of doing social business.

financial need, Saturday update 

We have hit the $400 mark as of this morning, thank you everyone who has helped us so far (cc @sesshirecat )

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financial need, boosts appreciated 

My family just found out that the land we'd gotten permission to live on is $6k deep in missed payments.

If anyone has a bit to spare, we're still waiting on our first round of pandemic aid, and until we get my social security name change stuffs fixed we can't even do a proper gofundme or whatever.

My partner, @sesshirecat, has a Paypal that hasn't been shut down, if you have anything you can contribute.

paypal.me/sesshirecat

We have until Monday or Tuesday (6th or 7th of June) to find enough to pay this, otherwise the former owners will sue and we'll be up shytte's creek again.

I've been busting my ass to make the land liveable for us and our three-month-old, but apparently I've not been fast enough at that.

Literally anything helps right now. I'm attempting to cash out my old 403b, there's some bonds that a friend might sell to help, and we have a little bit (a hundred or two) saved from TANF to add to the stack...going to ask our caseworker if they know of any options too...open to suggestions on ways to negotiate with the seller or...anything...

...like I said, anything helps.

@Moss gonna be in PDX-adjacent for tomorrow at least, does the market times coincide, and if so, how do I drop in with some stuff to give away?

off-grid for a bit 

I've been quiet.

I've been working on things.

But mostly, I've been living off-grid while trying to (legally) get electricity, water, and network connections up for the place my family has been given to live.

We're currently separated, pending red tape from the local government.

Humble Bundle, negative/evil shyte 

Well, Humble Bundle finally did what i/we expected them to do - mandating a "tip" to themselves, and limiting the amount you can give to charity.

blog.humblebundle.com/2021/04/

subtoot "world leader(s)", salty engineer about logistics analysis misunderstandings 

...it's not a "chip shortage" y'all,

it's an "unsustainable consumption and e-waste creation" problem.

seventeen uninterrupted minutes of inarticulate screaming into a pillow, regarding the difficulties of communicating with others regarding disability accommodations

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