So many communities are held together with the strength of basically one person making all the invitations and remembering everyone's hobbies and taking the time to talk to new people
& that one person n e v e r gets the credit they should bc people don't recognize emotional labor as work
& like, it was just simple potluck style stuff where people (mostly women let's be real!) would bring their dishes and Costco platters
But it wasn't the food that brought people back, and it wasn't really the volunteering. It was getting to sit down with other people and talk and hang out.
It worked because we put in the time and energy to make that a welcoming space, to introduce new friends and listen to boring stories and make each other feel seen
That doesn't happen enough.
@storytam
When I was more interested in building and managing online communities I had a nascent theory about what I called 'church ladies'. the people who did all the unglamorous behind the scenes work, and traded mostly in inter-group social capital.
I figured you could pretty easily gauge the health of a community just by identifying who those individuals were and what their stress to enthusiasm ratio was.
@storytam Yes, and I have never been able to be that person, even though I've started things myself a number of times. I don't mind the fact that other people end up being that person. I just find it pretty rare for that person to ever say anything about me.
Though... I also think they may not realize it in some cases. And there *have* been cases where I have had one of the core people say "thanks," for the "starting" thing.
So *thank you* all of you who are and have done this.
@JigmeDatse Being the person to start something is super important too! A lot of people are intimidated by the idea of starting things so people who initiate are gold
@storytam No, we're all important, some of us end up getting a little too ignored in a lot of groups, even though we can often be very important. I'm happy to start groups, or ideas, as long as there are people who are willing to "front" the group. Heck, I'm also good in the background helping out making a group just hum along nicely because while I'm not saying anything (depending on the group) I'm usually listening.
@storytam Greetings! I just found this *very* insightful series of yours, and decided to follow you a while. *shy smile* Just so you know what this out-of-the-blue ping is about!
@OldBrushNewPaper Haha, nice to meet you!
Addendum: volunteer organizations work so much better when this work is distributed among many people as part of their official job descriptions
In high school when I was working the Obama campaign by far the most effective tactic we had for volunteer retention was to have communal meals before phonebanking sessions