Children and young people are always growing and changing. Parents, however, sometimes need to take the effort to grow with them. #parenting

A lot of parents seem stuck with their idea of who they want their child to be, or who they remember the child as--often as a literal baby, helpless and dependent, so easy to project the parents' hopes and perceptions on.

I kind of get why parents don't forget their children's very young childhoods, I think? It really is a precious and unforgettable time, when you're bonding with this brand-new being soul to soul as you get to know each other. It's a time of unbearable sweetness that will never come again, because no matter how many children or grandchildren you have that particular child will only be young once. No wonder it leaves an indelible mark in the parent as well as the child.

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also, many parents think their children are to be a "mini-me" (of themselves) instead of a child being their own independently minded being ...

letting go so difficult for many ... especially letting go when you may feel your children are making a mistake

@js0000 and they have a vested interest in believing their children are making a mistake, too, for the reasons you state. I have been there, like, soooo much.

this is one of many lessons parents can be taught by their children ...

i suspect you are doing as best you can with them ... that's really all you can do!


@js0000 After decades of trying I concluded my one remaining parent has no interest in learning or changing and stopped talking to him about anything that matters :/ but others may still be able to salvage their relationships.

sure ...

i was thinking more of you with your own children- but then again, you are someone's child too ...

oddly enough, i feel very similar towards my mother to the way you describe feeling about your father

at a certain point, a person may decide their (limited) energy is best spent elsewhere

(also, thank you for these and your other insightful toots, i find them evocative)

@js0000 oh, my own kid is absolutely teaching me so much! I'm learning about unconditional love and challenging my own ideas from him, he's such a wonderful kiddo 💚 If I have a better relationship with him than I had with my parents I'll consider my life a success.

Thank you so much for your kind words! It's good to know others went/are going through this and that I'm not alone :blobcathappy:

@js0000 @ljwrites

This reminds me of a Persian poem by Kahlil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."

"You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you."

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth."


@wmd Oh I absolutely love that poem (and the entirety of The Prophet) and was just about to boost an excerpts posts I made a while back! One correction, though--Gibran was Lebanese and not Persian, so far as I know.

@ljwrites You are indeed correct. I think I was thinking Persia because I was researching the region which was the ancient Persion empire when I ran into them. Lebanon being part of the region. :)

@wmd so you're right in a roundabout way long ago! The Sasanids endorse this post, 10/10.

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